From ‘Beauty’ to ‘Booty’: A Satire

During the course of writing scores of press releases for new cruise ship introductions every year, one can get a little bored. While each new cruise ship brings some innovations and new twists, the process of informing the media about it is drearily repetitive. For instance, in 2002, Carnival Cruise Line introduced four new ships — its busiest year ever.

For each new ship, six or more months before introduction, the Carnival PR team would converge on ship architect Joe Farcus’ Miami Beach home for a multiple-hour session of Joe explaining what the central design theme was and how that theme was expressed in the interior design of public areas, restaurants, bars and pool decks, with samples of everything from carpets to drapes to ceiling tiles. Those meetings would result in a massive four-page press release that explained in great detail how Farcus’ “entertainment architecture” manifested itself in the latest iteration.

Of course, by the time the ship left the shipyard, much of what was written was wrong, as last-minute changes and construction compromises rendered our carefully crafted press release obsolete.

I will spare you the whole Carnival Pride design release, but instead provide the first two paragraphs of a ship review by Direct Line Cruises Blog:

Walking into the atrium, I am in awe. I am surrounded by rich wood paneling, intricate bronze moulding, and magnificent frescos. Reproductions of Masters such as Botticelli and Raphael adorn the walls. Seating is upholstered in shades of burgundy, sienna, and gold. A grand stairway winds it way up to the next echelon. My eyes sweep upward … nine floors. A stunning red glass skylight casts a warm, rosy glow throughout. Soft music, compliments of the classical pianist playing adjacent to the bar, adds to the ambiance of the lobby. You may think I am checking into a posh hotel in Florence, but no, I’m nearly 5,000 miles from Italy. In fact, I have just boarded the Carnival Pride.

Joe Farcus, Carnival’s interior architect, calls the theme of this ship “Icons of Beauty.” Throughout the public areas he has given us his interpretation of how beauty manifests itself in architecture, art, intellectual achievement, the human body, nature, etc. The names of the rooms clearly reflect where he was going with this idea; The Taj Mahal Show Lounge, Normandie Restaurant, Sunset Garden, Butterflies Lounge, Nobel Library, Beauties Dance Club, David’s Supper Club, Raphaels, Florentine Lounge… It was a treat in itself meandering about and admiring his inspired design!

And that’s how we got from “beauty” to “booty”:

CARNIVAL PRIDE TO INCORPORATE DESIGN THEME OF ‘ICONS OF BOOTY’

MIAMI (6/12/01) — In his continuing attempt to outdo himself with every new Carnival Cruise Lines “Fun Ship,” ship architect Joe Farcus has hit upon what will surely be a hit with the line’s family guests. Taking the theme “Icons of Booty,” Farcus has created a new brand of what he calls “entertainment architecture,” incorporating naked breasts in the dance club, balls in the sports bar and a bigger-than-life-size penis in the supper club to create a unique interior ambiance for the 88,600-ton Carnival Pride.

“I was sitting around telling myself dirty jokes one day, when I came up with the Icons of Booty central concept,” explained Farcus. “I figured I’d done it all — architectural styles, cruise liners, foreign countries, surreal mannequins, etc. — so, I thought, why not do sex! I mean, that’s why most people take cruises, anyway, why not just be up front about it?”

And up front Farcus was, starting with the Beauties Dance Club. Here, no fewer than 114 naked human torsos are employed as wall decorations, bar stool and table bases, and ceiling art. While the barstool and table bases are necessarily scaled down, the wall torsos are nearly lifesize, sans head, arms and genitals.

“These are cast material, in a variety of colors, and painted with a high-gloss finish to facilitate cleaning the inevitable fingerprints off the 57 female torsos,” said Farcus. “Hey, it’s a disco, there’s supposed to be a whole lotta fondling goin’ on.”

Farcus explained that Carnival was currently training a special detail of Filipino cabin stewards to clean the torsos daily using a proprietary sanitizing compound. When asked who the model was for the female torso, Farcus just shrugged and said, “Some babe in Helsinki, I suppose. Those Finnish women are known for being built like … well, you know.”

Another room that shows Farcus’ boldness in design is the Perfect Game Sports Bar — “The motif is balls, balls and more balls,” he said.

The walls of the bar are covered in sculptures made up of a variety of sports balls, with leather collages of still more balls covering the rest of the wall surface, and the table bases made of balls, and balls on the carpet. Needless to say, the overall effect is so infused with testosterone as to make even the most ardent athletic supporter weak in the knees.

In the innovative alternative restaurant, David’s Supper Club, guests who can afford the $25 per person reservation fee, will be treated to stone crabs and aged beef in an intimate atmosphere dominated by a full-size replica of Michelangelo’s “David.” The great artist’s nude study of a well-hung young man is located near the glass stairway which extends over the atrium to greet guests in a dramatic manner as they arrive for dinner.

“Ladies will want to pay special attention to where they are seated to make sure they have a clear view of the famous statue to enjoy its artistic endowments,” said Farcus.

Although these three rooms are the most blatant examples of Farcus’ libido run wild, the other interiors of the Pride also play off the central theme, but in more subtle ways.

• In the lobby and atrium, large copies of paintings by Botticelli, Raphael and some other Italian guy depict amply endowed women cavorting with cherubs and lounging in various nude poses guaranteed to send guests’ minds directly to the “wild side.”
• The Winner’s Club Casino sports images of powerful stallions and wiry jockeys to appeal to more obscure sexual preferences.
• The Starry Night Jazz Club is designed to make one feel as if one were lurking around a cobblestone plaza in France under Vincent Van Gogh’s “Starry Night” — just the kind of place one might encounter persons engaged in aberrant behavior in exchange for francs.
• The Ivory Bar, with its netsuki bas relief depictions of famous Japanese hentai, or filthy cartoons, the deflowering of geisha and mural of the Rape of Nanking, is less subtle, but still creates an atmosphere conducive to singing dirty karaoke ditties.
• In the Taj Mahal Lounge we find a tribute to the sexual proclivities of India, which gave us the Kama Sutra, and has made the subcontinent the most densely populated country in the world.
• The Butterflies Lounge, with its gauzy sheer fabrics and soft lighting, obviously refers to that special brand of kiss which has been known to drive its receiver mad with desire.
• Mermaid’s Grille on Lido Deck presents us with sculptures of metaphorical “fish” “gushing” a stream of “fluid” on the other end of which is a “mermaid.” To please every taste, Farcus also included several of these sculptures with “little boys” in place of the “mermaid.”

Other public areas, such as the Sunset Garden and Nobel Library have few obvious design elements that can easily be associated with sex, and, along with the Normandie Restaurant, with its similarity to the word normal, are obviously Farcus’ attempts to provide at least some areas of the ship that are not awash in hormones.

“I mean, you can’t think of sex 24 hours a day,” he points out. “Well I can, but I doubt most of our guests can, so I thought it prudent (get it? prude-nt) to provide some areas where the libidinally burnt-out could seek respite.”

The Carnival Pride is slated to enter service in January 2002.

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